I have a fair amount of success in writing competitions and I am usually philosophical about what that means. It's not that I am laid back when I do hit big, as someone once said; it's more that for every hit I get, there are a handful of misses... and the misses always hit hard.
I think I was pushed as a kid at primary school and being second in the class was never good enough. Then when they stopped pushing, I pushed myself trying to win the elusive top spot in everything I did. Maybe there's a psychologist out there who'd have an explanation for why that was and why it still is; I just know that 'winning', being the person on the pedestal, is something that has shaped me and shaped how I approach my work (and writing is work).
That's why losing is so hard. Losing at anything. I slide into a 'grump' for hours whenever I hear that my name is not on a shortlist. I undermine all my successes by measuring myself against those failures... at least until next time when hope springs eternal. There's always hope. That maybe explains why I have so much stuff entered elsewhere... something to fall back on when I don't win a mention with one competition.
So you see, I bomb badly.
And here I am saying, I bombed in Willesden this year. Again. Third time in a row. But... looking at those on the shortlist... well, there are some very good names on there and one or two I'd count as friends. So, congratulations to everyone who didn't bomb in Willesden. Really, heaps of congratulations... and for the rest of us... there's always next year... or the very next competition result to be announced.
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